The Forever Endeavor

1 + 1 = 4

Mid-Preggo Malaise (Gearing up for the Assent into Mordor) August 27, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — katecosby @ 9:40 pm

Well we’re sittin pretty here at 22 weeks and counting. I am fine…Howie’s fine. The rush of summer travel and California visitors is over. Birthdays have been had. Music festivals have been attended. Some friends have gone to Burning Man to celebrate the Pagan American Dream without us and some have stayed home. In short, there’s not much going on.

The last visit from our midwives put us in a bit of a holding pattern. We peppered them with questions about how we could better prepare for the new baby in our future…and the experience of birth. Relax, they said, that’s what the third trimester is for. They recommended that we enjoy the ease and mobility of our last days of freedom by going on dates (with each other) and getting out of town. And, feeling sated by the advice of these wise ladies we’ve pretty much stopped preparing.

The new baby preparation rituals include eating dinner and then laying down to feel the baby kick…and having Howie rub pure shea butter into my tummy to avoid stretch marks. Ahhh the lazy days of summer.

Still something about all this relaxation makes me feel like I left the house without making sure to turn the oven off.

Oh well, enjoy this cute picture of Howie. I’m sure we’ll have something new and exciting to tell you soon.


We’re Bringing Sexy Back August 25, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — katecosby @ 10:40 pm

Votes Er, I mean…T-Shirts For Women.

Well folks, I no longer have an office mate to air my annoyances with…she has gone back to graduate school and left me with two dying plants and a lot of silence. So you are going to get my morning rant.

Today I opened up my internet to my homepage to see an advertisement for the movie Iron Jawed Angels. If you haven’t seen it- this movie is Hollywood’s version of the events leading up to the ratification of the 19th Amendment in 1920. It focuses on two women, Alice Paul (Hilary Swank) and Lucy Burns (Frances O’Connor), as they take on the US president, congress and “suffrage establishment” in order to win votes for women. The movie is called “Iron Jawed Angels” because after being arrested for protesting outside of the white house (during wartime) the women went on a hunger strike in prison and were violently force fed. It’s a true story…look it up.

The movie came out on HBO probably 6 years ago. All in all it’s a pretty good movie (except for the excessive use of Sarah McLachlan in its soundtrack) which tells an important story about US history. But what the eff is with this poster?

On the UCSF website the picture of this naked woman wrapped in an American flag is the link to the information about the movie which is playing this week in celebration of women’s suffrage (the Amendment was officially ratified on August 26th, 1920). Now you know, I love naked people wrapped in American flags just as much as the next gal (hi honey!!). But what does all this nudity have to do with votes for women?

I was so irritated about the picture that I was considering contacting the UCSF calendar people to complain. But then I realized that the picture was taken directly from the marketing materials for the film. What is it about women’s naked backs that is so important to advertising? What was the marketing meeting for this movie like…”Yes, I love the idea of a movie about women’s suffrage…but how can we sex it up a bit?”


Well, ladies, Happy Suffrage anyway.


Growing, Showing, Glowing… August 16, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — katecosby @ 2:49 am


Roll over the link above and push play to listen to a lovely song by the Decemberists.* You can move the link box out of the way…whilst you read this post.

Well I’m around 21 weeks. The title of this post is the kind of title that you see around now in the baby books. It’s a good time to be pregnant, they say. You aren’t to big to move…but you are definitely showing. The acne has subsided, you can’t really even remember the morning sickness, and you feel more (shall we say) amorous.

For me, this is all true. Especially the amorous part. It’s a great time to be pregnant.

Having our ultrasound last week was a milestone for many reasons. We now know we are having a girl-child. Despite our sadness about the losing the moniker “cougar dan,” the new information that “it” is a “she” has brought real joy to our lives. Although we are completely at odds about girl-names…we are both sure that having one will be fantastic.

Also, right around the time of the ultrasound I started to feel “her” move. At first I was claiming any little bubble or blip down there was a fetal movement. But now that I have felt the liquid rumbling turbulence of the babe, I will have to chalk these earlier instances up to inexperience. I have to sit relatively still to feel her move…but every so often I feel a real strong kick. Pow! -right in the gullet. And while holding my hands on either side of my uterus I feel usually feel the subtle rolling of our little friend.

Howie has even shared the excitement…feeling a couple kicks right through my belly. I’m told that the next couple weeks I will feel more and more like I am carrying a little alien below my belly button.

All this excitement has brought an interesting new presence to our marriage. A sudden three-ness has accompanied the ability to say “she’s moving.” My pregnancy has become a pregnan-she. My fetus a “she-tus.” And “she” has the ability to bring my attention to her just by moving inside me. It’s a total trip.

As for names- in utero or out- we’re at a loss. Sheesh it’s hard to come up with good girl names.

This weekend we came up with some good ones. The best one: Nashville Christmas Cockrill

But I don’t know…what do you guys think?

*thanks to doug for sending this song.


Growth Curves August 14, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — howiecockrill @ 8:00 am

ITSA… August 9, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — howiecockrill @ 10:52 am

Today was our ultrasound!!!


Islands in the Stream August 8, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — howiecockrill @ 9:30 am
(that is what we are)

(that is what we are)

In case it slipped past you, the title of this post is inspired by the immortal words of the Brothers Gibb (and by the silver throats of Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers) (and apparently by a novel I’ve never read by Earnest Hemingway).*

Tomorrow Kate and I will learn the sex of our baby.

A single bit of information so succinct it can be expressed in a word.

But the ripples, the impact of this word will be felt so long and so deeply, that it will seem as if life could never have been any other way.

At this moment though, at 8:12 pm the night before, it could go either way.

Will I pee at a trough in the bathroom with our son at the concert?

Will I pick up a pizza for our daughter’s slumber party?

At this point, we don’t know (though I’d put money on pizza being involved).

And right now it feels important to take in where we are – on the edge of something strange and awesome.

For the past 4 years, there has only been Kate and me.

When I first started dating Kate, I felt kind of like I feel now – again, strange and awesome. When I realized that I loved Kate and wanted to spend my life with her – that single bit of information seemed vast and overwhelming. Now, it is so fundamental in my life – I can’t imagine any other way of being.

Now there will be a 3rd member of our family. Who is this person? What will they be like?

The first veil comes off tomorrow at 11:30 am, and I can tell you – it feels strange and awesome. More awesome.

* * * * * * * * *

I could have ended the post there. That would have been a nice ending, don’t you think?

But there’s a bit more.

Since we found out that Kate is pregnant, most of our emotional energy has been put into experiencing and processing that information. (Again, “pregnant” – one word, big impact. Sensing a theme?)

Mostly these past 20 weeks we’ve been in awe of Kate’s body. Like a clown car, the proportions are cartoonish but its roomier than you think inside.

But now Kate’s through the sickness, and we can finally take a little breather and look ahead. What we see doesn’t look much like where we are now. In fact, it looks a lot different. Like – imagine if Dorothy had landed on Mars.

To put it simply – its finally sinking in. Life is going to be different. Our patterns, our routines, the things we think about, the things we say, the things we don’t say – all out the window.

Of course, we will be the same – but in that way where we’re not really the same. For instance, think about yourself in high school. That’s you – but at the same time, its not you.

Its not so much that I’m worried about this stuff, because I tend not to worry about things I can’t control. And in this particular instance, nothing feels wrong. In fact, things feel pretty right. Like this is where we’re supposed to be.

But it is scary, like going to a new school is scary, or moving in with your girlfriend is scary.

Except multiplied times a billion.

The saying goodbye to the old way multiplied times a billion, and the saying hello to the new way multiplied times a billion. The numbers are undeniable – we’re feeling the change a lot right now.

But at the same time that its scary, its also made us poke our little heads out from our foxhole & notice that we’ve got it really good right now. Not only do we have it good, but we’ve had it good since the beginning.

Its not that I didn’t know this. But I had forgotten to remember it. Spending these years just me and Kate has been a gift.

So for tonight, we’ll settle into the couch, watch some tv, do the dishes, maybe play some music, and hang out in bed for a while. Kate will fall asleep reading.

Yes – tonight we’ll be islands in the stream – sitting tight in the old way while the new way moves in all around us.

Tomorrow…..boy or girl…..

We rely on each other, ah-ah.

*post nearly titled “The Ultrasound of Music”

Swoon… August 7, 2008

Filed under: 2nd Trimizzle — katecosby @ 3:02 am

Our book club is currently reading Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance. I am loving reading about our future presidents idealistic youth and the shaping of his political ambition.

In other news, guess who shares my birthday?